Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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