And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
