Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
