Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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