they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
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She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
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I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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