Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
