Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
