I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
