she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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