I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
