I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
