So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I need to sanitize my soul.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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