I want to make a zoo with you.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
