I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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