you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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