i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I've blown a few things in my day
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
