Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
