Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
