it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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