I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Please, let me fuck your mom
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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