Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
