can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i think my cat just said my name.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
