i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
