Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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