it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
