Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
