Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
