First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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