I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you win again, gameday.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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