And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
