remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
