3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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