i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
