Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
