Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
