Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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