Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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