stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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