I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
