guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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