hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
