dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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