What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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