I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
