The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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