when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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