we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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