Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
