I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
