I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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