they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
