I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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