You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
