i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize