just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.