Got a toothbrush?
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
