don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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