girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...