Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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