I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Sext me about skeletons
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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