ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You dont lie about slip and slides
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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