I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
only if we run a train.
done.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
