So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
