Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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