She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
