Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
