I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Please don't give away my fajitas
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