Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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