I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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