Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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