my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
