That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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