you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
