I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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