If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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