Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
