Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
