Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
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